School secretary fired for speaking Spanish in violation of school's no-Spanish rule. ¿Espera, qué? [Stupid]

Our Iranian friends, in an effort to demonstrate their benevolent intentions, announce Feb. 11 unveiling of "Fist of Peace" [Hero]

"Sheen Remains Weeks After Port Arthur Oil Spill." I bet he'd go away if they offered him some hookers and coke [Interesting]

Photoshop your cell phone's granddad [Photoshop]

San Francisco finally steps up to help the people of Haiti [Amusing]

Apparently the Battle of the Java Sea was so chaotic, the Japanese navy didn't notice the small tropical island moving around [Cool]

Hair extensions cause baldness [Ironic]

Six shockingly evil things babies are capable of [Amusing]

Activists break out the ultimate weapon against anti-Indian violence in Australia: Vindaloos [Spiffy]

20 percent of adults would rather spend Valentine's Day with a pet than a person. Unknown how much peanut butter is involved [Strange]

Definition of parental overkill: waterboarding your four-year old daughter [Scary]

Study shows that actually being a parent may prevent your kid from being a fat, lazy, slob [Obvious]

Dr. Conrad Murray charged with involuntarily manslaugtering Michael Jackson [Followup]

Researchers are pfinally turning their attention to the health benefits of Ginger, Garlic, and St. John's wort. The pfacts are in: herbal pfixes are pfatal [Interesting]

Rep. John Murtha (D-ead) [NewsFlash]

Scientists are one step closer to finding a cure for aging, ensuring young people will not know the humiliation of senility but will know the thrill of dying amidst a hunger and disease-strewn, overcrowded world [Interesting]

Half-naked women protest Ukrainian election. In other news, Ukranian elections are awesome [Spiffy]

If you're a veterinarian, it's considered "inappropriate and unprofessional behaviour" to put a dog's testicles in your mouth. Huh, who knew? [Sick]

One artist's amazing miniature origami. I can barely see what she did there [Cool]

While Drew's recovering from his party last night, here are some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/31 - 2/6 [FarkBlog]